New love is so intoxicating we often miss the early signs the relationship may be doomed. Here are the red flags experts say you should be wary of.
You’re not on the same page
You found someone that shares your penchant for all things British—royal watching, Pembroke Welsh Corgis, and bangers and mash. But what about the other stuff—the core values you hold more dear than sticky toffee pudding? “It’s vital that a couple share a basic, overall picture of how they’d like for their lives to unfold—financially, family, spiritually, lifestyle, contributions to the world, etc.,” says relationship expert Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Bregman. “If it’s becoming apparent from the beginning that you’re both not on the same page with some of life’s core basics, it’s a great sign that this person isn’t ‘the one’ for you,” says Bregman. To figure that out, start with the communication rules every couple should know.
You keep your guard up
Maybe you’ve never been an open book, but you should find it easier to start revealing at least a few chapters. “If you’re finding that you are uneasy with your new partner and unable to drop your guard and be vulnerable, this doesn’t bode well for the future. It’s difficult to have truly honest communication and to share love, fears, and hopes without judgment if you can’t be fully real with them,” explains Bregman.
Your partner can do no wrong
Your new love doesn’t feel contrite or admit wrongdoing—ever: That’s a red flag. “If the new person you’re seeing has a hard time showing you they’re imperfect, or apologizing for even silly mistakes, this relationship probably will not last,” says Bregman. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with having these fights that are actually healthy to have as a couple.