You’re not alone! Here are some common sex problems marriage counselors get asked about most often.
We don’t have time for sex
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“Between jobs, kids, taking care of the household, and social demands, you may feel like there’s no time left for each other,” says Jill Whitney, LMFT who practices in Old Lyme, Connecticut and blogs about relationships and sexuality. “When you do have time together, it’s more likely to be collapsed on the sofa in front of Netflix rather than romping in the bedroom.” Whitney says this routine of neglecting sex isn’t good for your marriage. “Sex is an important way for partners to connect physically and emotionally,” she says. “It deserves to be a priority in your marriage.” She suggests blocking out uninterrupted time together. “Go on dates where you laugh and talk. Then come home early enough that you’re not too tired to get frisky,” she says. “Arrange an overnight babysitting swap with another family so you can bask in bed together on a Saturday morning. Do whatever you need to make sure sex remains a vibrant part of your marriage. It’s an important ‘glue’ that keeps you strong as a couple.” Find out how to improve your sex life in just one day.
Sex has gotten boring
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It’s typical to feel like things have gotten a little stale when it comes to your sex life. But a study claims that feeling can come sooner for women. In fact, women reported a lack of interest in sex once they were in a relationship for more than a year, according to the study. “Couples often figure out a pattern of lovemaking that works for them,” says Whitney. “One partner does this lovely thing, the other person does that, and everyone has a good time. Unfortunately, your typical way of making love gets old after a while. Your sex may still be pleasant, but it’s not exciting.” If this sounds like you, she encourages you to try something novel. “This could be something as simple as new lingerie, a slow massage, or watching a racy movie together,” she says. If you’re feeling a little braver, she says you can discuss your fantasies and try to act on them.
My husband wants sex all the time
“Many women want sex just as much as men,” says David Simonsen, Ph.D, LMFT, who practices in Olympia, Washington. It’s common wisdom, though, that women place more value on the emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire. “They’re more emotionally in tune in the relationship. They don’t want to be intimate because they’re emotionally disconnected from their spouse. Men value food, sex, and respect to be happy in a marriage. Women value security and everything that comes with that… emotional, physical, etc.”