Electric can opener
What’s typically around 5″ x 6″ x 8.5″, has a blade that accumulates grime, and is only for the laziest of us with acres of countertop to spare? Correct, the electric can opener. While the first of its kind debuted in the 1930s, as reported on the interwebs, the modernized 1956 version—in “popular colors of the era,” e.g. Flamingo Pink, Avocado Green, and Aqua Blue—elevated it to kitchen gadget stardom. Be like liberated Betty Draper and toss this in the donation bin ASAP (and/or don’t buy one to begin with). And if you’re eating too much canned food, best use the extra muscle to open it, anyway.