We’re into day who-knows-what of lockdown and each day is melting into the next. You haven’t washed your hair in five days and your “work” tights have food stains from two lunches ago. Yup, welcome to a whole new world!
While you might have been beyond excited to go into lockdown with your favourite person in the world (FYI we’re talking about your romantic partner), 70 gabillion days later, you might be feeling less than enthused. (If they don’t stop breathing so loudly, you’re going to smack them in the head with your newly bought, but as yet unused, dumbbell set.)
Yup, for many, the spark that had you tearing each other’s clothes off every few minutes at the beginning of the relationship has all but died and you’ve settled into a routine of working and eating and trying to stay calm in this weird new time. And you’re okay with having a quickie (removing clothes, optional) every now and again before turning off the lights.
But if you want to reignite things and introduce a bit more fire to your lovemaking, we’re here to explain the perks of slowing things down and offer four intimate sex positions to heat things up.
“When you engage your body and mind in bed, you’ll feel more relaxed, connected to your partner and aroused – all of which result in better sex,” says Dr Logan Levkoff, a certified sexuality educator. By taking your time and being creative, you’ll also avoid the danger of making sex routine – with the same foreplay sequence, same position, same result – something we all may be struggling with now during lockdown. But new positions won’t guarantee great sex. To make tonight amazing, start using the following tips to bring more mindfulness to lovemaking.
To become aroused, you need to switch off your amygdala, the portion of your brain that controls fear and anxiety. So, about an hour before you plan to get busy, draw yourself a steamy bath or take a hot shower to calm your mind and awaken your nerve endings; the heat of the water will bring blood to your skin’s surface, making your whole body more sensitive to touch.
Foreplay is an important part of slow sex. Prolong it by stopping in the middle to make out, share a sexual fantasy or exchange massages. Start things off with sensate touch – a series of exercises designed to increase trust and arousal without touching each other’s genitals. “The goal of it is to relax and build intimacy,” says licensed psychologist and sex therapist Dr Arlene Goldman, co-author of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.
Ready for intercourse?
Choose a sex position that encourages you to stare into each other’s eyes, such as missionary or woman-on-top, with him sitting up and facing you. “Positions that give you a full view of each other’s naked bodies can build arousal too quickly, while ones that lend themselves to eye contact increase intimacy and tend to build arousal more gradually,” says Levkoff.
Start moving slowly in random, circular patterns rather than fast thrusting – it will feel good for both of you without building that steady momentum that leads to immediate orgasm. And try switching positions for variety – the short break will prolong lovemaking.
Keen to give it a go? Try these intimate sex positions:
Ask him to sit on a chair or the edge of the bed. Facing him, wrap your arms around his back, climb on top of him and sit on his lap. Once in the saddle, you can ride up and down on his penis by pressing with your legs or knees. Want to go faster? Ask him to assist by grabbing your buttocks and lifting and bouncing. Ready to try something else? Sit astride facing him on a rocking chair. Old wooden rockers on hardwood or stone floors provide the greatest variety of good vibes.
This is an ideal position if you are pregnant or either one of you has a knee injury because it keeps weight off the body. To get into the position, begin by lying on your sides and facing one another. Spread your legs slightly to allow him to enter you, then close your legs so the part of his shaft that’s outside of you can press against your clitoris. It’s easy to kiss from this intimate face-to-face position, but thrusting is more difficult, so use different techniques such as grinding, circular and up-and-down motions for added stimulation.
The Cat (Coital Alignment Technique)
In one study in the Journal Of Sex & Marital Therapy women who were unable to have an orgasm in the missionary position reported a 56 percent increase in orgasm frequency using the coital alignment technique. This position is just like missionary except that his body is further up and to one side. Instead of being chest to chest, his chest is near your shoulders. Bend your legs about 45 degrees to tilt your hips up – this causes the base of his shaft to maintain constant contact with your clitoris. Then try this: straighten your legs. Ask him to push his pelvis down a few centimetres while you push up.
The Ballet Dancer
Stand facing one another. Raise one of your legs up and wrap it around his butt or thigh, pulling him into you with your leg. If your raised leg gets tired, get him to cradle it with his arm. If you’re very flexible, ask him to help you lift your leg over his shoulder. This position is also great for quickies in tight quarters and is a good option for outdoor sex (if you’re lucky enough to have a private garden). It allows for easier penetration and you have control of thrusting, depth and angle. You can also try this in a hot shower (make sure you each have a firm footing!).
Excerpted from the Women’s Health Big Book Of Os, on sale now.