Who doesn’t love to cum?
Not only do orgasms feel incredible, but they can help improve circulation, relieve period cramps, help you sleep, and relieve anxiety. But if you’re a member of the frequent cummer club (which I hope you are), you’ve probably realized that not all orgasms are created equally.
While some orgams may leave your knees quaking and heart shaking, others feel more like an awkward reflex. Like an obligatory orgasm that helps to relieve tension, but leaves much to be desired. These are often called “sneezegasms”. They’re over and done with as fast as a sneeze. Maybe you’ll have another one, or four, but they still don’t quite hit the spot.
If you find yourself having more sneezegasms than truly satisfying orgasms, you may be in an orgasm rut.
An orgasm rut you say? While we’ll dare to say that if you’re having any orgasm, it’s better than none at all, we want you to be having deeper, transcendent, earth-shattering orgasms – on the regular. Because hey, it’s your birthright.
So how does one break out of an orgasm rut? How do you begin to embody the sensual seductress of your dreams and the monumental orgasms that come with it?
Well, that’s why we’re here today: To give you some sweet tips on how to break out of your orgasm rut, and become a cum queen.
Get Back in Your Body
Life can be incredibly stressful, and a normal reaction of stress is losing your sense of groundedness. When you don’t feel grounded, it makes it hard to feel present in your body. This dissociation can make it difficult to feel the nuanced build-up of sexual arousal that leads to deeper orgasms.
Any amount of time that you spend investing in feeling present in your body, is practice for feeling more present sexually.
Maybe you already have hobbies and passions that help you get in the zone. If so, awesome! When going about your normal routine, try tapping into your body even more by slowing down, breathing deeper, feeling the sensations run throughout your body.
If you don’t have any hobbies that help you practice physical mindfulness, now is a great time to pick one up! Some of our favorites are yoga, breathwork, dancing, hiking, pilates, and even just gentle stretching.
Here’s a simple practice for getting back into your body:
- Lie in a comfortable position on your back (this is great in the bathtub too).
- Quickly rub your hands together to warm them up.
- Let your hands rest on different body parts, starting from the top of your head making your way to your forehead, shoulders, heart, stomach, pelvic, hips, knees, and feet.
- Each time you move to a new body part, take a few minutes to breathe deeply into that area. Take extra time near your pelvis, feeling the swelling of energy in your erogenous zones.
- Allow the wave of relaxation to slowly wash over you, flooding your being with a sense of presence.
Set The Space
It can be difficult to feel present in the moment, when your space feels less than inspiring.
Taking the time to set your sensual space before getting it on (with yourself or someone else), creates a ritual around your pleasure, and helps to break up any stagnancy that’s instigating your orgasm rut.
This may look different for everyone. Here are some ideas for setting up your orgasmic zone:
- Keep it tidy. There’s nothing like a pile of dirty socks on the floor to take you out of the moment.
- Light the fire. Utilize the tantalizing power of fire by lighting candles, incense, or whatever sexy smells speak to you.
- Playtime playlist. Not everyone is into music while they have sex, but if these is your thing, take the time to specially curate a playlist to have ready, so you don’t have to think about in the heat of the moment.
Switch it Up
What’s one of the most important steps towards getting out of an orgasm rut? By literally changing whatever you’ve been doing of course.
While we’re advocates for any kind of orgasm, and are glad that you’ve found something that works for you, maybe we can help broaden your horizons.
Do you always get off by laying on your back and using your vibrator? Is missionary your regular go-to maneuver? There’s nothing wrong with any of those, or whatever your regular move is. We’re not saying to eliminate them, but simply add more in.
If you always lie on your back to orgasm, try sitting up, or standing, or being on your belly. If you always use your hand, try a toy – and vice versa. Maybe try a different place in your house, or outside of your house altogether.
For some people it can be difficult to break from what works for you. Our suggestion is to go about your business as usual, and when you get really close to orgasming, change your position and finish like that. This will trick your brain into becoming used to something new, so overtime, you can easily orgasm in exciting, novel ways.
Last, but certainly not least, masturbate! Whether your orgasm rut is with yourself, a partner, or both, spending time alone with your body is the best way to tap back into its needs.
Use all the tips above, and try them by yourself, before integrating them into your partnered sex life.
With some parting words of encouragement, you can absolutely break your orgasm rut, and start having the most dynamic orgasms imaginable. Bon voyage!
Natasha’s passion for reproductive health began at age fourteen, when she was present for the birth of her youngest sister. Her incredible experiences as a birth doula, has given her hands on insight into the magical realm of birth, pregnancy, and all things in between. Her role as a birth worker, is her way of serving as an activist. She uses writing as a key educational tool for creating change in how we view reproductive health as a whole.