How to Leave a Narcissist: Six Powerful Hacks

leave a narcissist
To leave a narcissist takes courage and emotional support.  As you probably know, since you are reading this right now, narcissists are charming, manipulative and adept at keeping you in a tangled relationship.  And that relationship is usually designed to fill their own needs.  Even though your needs for attention, affection and love are often ignored.   Even though your narcissist is highly skilled in making you feel bad about yourself.

The reason the relationship causes you to feel bad is because most narcissists are abusive and make you wrong at every turn.  And in this crazy process, the narcissist actually feels like a victim, who is entitled to get even more from you. Sound familiar?  Narcissists are blame-masters.  In fact, they have a very hard time seeing what they do wrong in relationships.  But they have a super easy time seeing what they think YOU are doing wrong.   That is why you probably feel bad about yourself right now.

So this blog is all about how to empower yourself to leave a narcissist. Even though he or she is so charming and so smart.   To free yourself from a relationship that is just not working.  So here are six powerful hacks.

How to Leave a Narcissist: #1 Safety First

Some narcissists are mean, controlling and violent.  At the moment of loss, a narcissist will typically feel a great deal of anger and  can become physically abusive. If you are dealing with a potentially violent situation, safety must come first.   Especially if you have children.  Contact the domestic abuse hotline to get tips and pointers about how to leave a potentially violent relationship safely.

How to Leave a Narcissist: #2 Protect Your Assets

Since many narcissists feel like victims, they could retaliate against you for leaving.  After all, in their eyes, you “owe” them.  For that reason, before you discussing leaving your partner, change your passwords for your bank accounts, email, Facebook account, etc.  This way the narcissist cannot drain your assets or upset your business.

How to Leave a Narcissist: #3 Get Empowered

Since your confidence has been beaten down from the relationship, it is absolutely imperative that you work on getting yourself empowered. So that you have the strength to leave the misery behind.

A great way to achieve greater self-esteem is to give yourself a nickname that empowers and validates you.  Even if you are just not feeling like you can do that right now!  You can. This is just a small door that can help you move forward into the light. So just try this exercise.

Think about adjectives and/or phrases that connote strength, courage, empowerment, boundaries resilience, right action and/or forgiveness.  Pick words that reflect how you would like to be experiencing yourself at this challenging time in your life.

So read the list below and feel into each one to see what is a good fit.

  • Empowered
  • Assertive
  • Courageous
  • Discerning
  • Fearless
  • Protected
  • Clever
  • Resilient
  • Who Can Handle Anyone Successfully
  • Beacon of Strength
  • Who has Clear Boundaries
  • Who Performs Right Action
  • Who Expresses Her Anger Constructively and Creatively
  • Who Cleverly Uses Her Anger as a Force for Good
  • Unstoppable
  • Strong, Whole and Effective
  • Self-Forgiving
  • Who is Divinely Protected
  • Who is Under God’s Protection
  • Who Feels Her Feelings and Lets Them Go

Now think of an empowering noun to use for yourself, like Goddess, Wizardess or Heroine.  And add it to your adjective and/or phrase from the list above. So your empowering healing name could be  Empowered Goddess who is Divinely Protected.  Or Triumphant Heroine Who Performs Right Action.

So write out your empowering nickname and put it where you can see it every day.  Also, go shopping for clothes and jewelry that help you feel like The Courageous Lioness who Lives Her Best Life, or whatever your new empowerment name is.

How to Leave a Narcissist: #4 Get Support

Because you have been so beaten down emotionally, it is so key to have support.  You have been in a relationship that makes you second guess yourself.  Chances are you are feeling like you did something wrong or are simply not lovable.  As you sit on the couch crying and binge watching shows, you may find yourself being angry with yourself.  Second-guessing what you said or did that may have made it go south.  Let’s face it: You know how these self-punishing thoughts go. They cause lots of suffering.  And these negative thoughts about you are not true!  Not if you have been with a narcissist. Believe me, the problems come from your partner.

So you need support to keep on a course that is based on honoring and empowering yourself.  I highly recommend that you sign up for a gift session with one of my amazing coaches.  In fact, she can support you through this whole difficult process.

How to Leave a Narcissist: #5 De-Stress Often

Yoga has been shown to be very helpful in reducing stress reactions to upsetting situations.  You can use a very powerful yet simple yogic breathing technique based on the Patanjali sutras (aphorisms).  Patanjali was a sage in ancient India and is often credited as the father of yoga.  This exercise will ground you in peace and shift your mood to the upside! So you will be able to do what you need to protect yourself and your children.

First, take deep, slow breaths in and out.  Pause at the end of each inbreath and read one of the following sutras at a time, as your intuition dictates.  Then breath out through your mouth. Be sure to repeat each saying twice. But it’s not necessary to do all of them.

  • Happiness
  • Detachment
  • Inner Light
  • Transcendent Intuition
  • Inner Peace
  • Courage
  • Strength
  • Resilience
  • Present Moment Awareness
  • Clear Thinking
  • Right Action
  • Spiritual Guidance
  • Self-Forgiveness
  • Higher Power for Good
  • God’s Protection or Divine Protection

Write down at least five of the most meaningful sutras and do the exercise at home or in the office on a daily basis.

How to Leave a Narcissist: #6 Create Affirmations

Affirmations, or positive seed thoughts work!  So create an affirmation to use about this upsetting situation.  Now read the following list to pique your creativity:

  • I am quiet, calm and settled.
  • It is OK for me to feel whatever I am feeling.
  • I easily and effortlessly feel calm centered and highly effective.
  • I use win-win straight talk and right action to help things to work out for the best.
  • I am the center of my peace.
  • I perform right action that creates a surprisingly good outcome.
  • I fully empower myself now.
  • I leave (Name of your partner) in a surprisingly easy and effortless way.

After you craft your affirmation, post it where you can see it every day.  Be sure, to put your full attention on it for a few seconds each day.

So there you have six powerful hacks to help you to leave a debilitating relationship with a narcissist.