The Real Reasons Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Have Sex

If your spouse is rarely in the mood for sex, there might be something more going on than you’d expect. Here are some possible mood-killing culprits.

Financial woes


Considering that money troubles are a top cause of a breakup, it’s not a surprise that financial issues can cause rifts in even the most harmonious couples. “The results of unaddressed financial stressors in a relationship can cause negative feelings towards your partner, fear and anxiety, broken trust, depression symptoms and a lack of sexual desire,” says Crystal Hollenbeck, EdD, licensed mental health counselor. “Combining finances, creating a budget, and agreeing as a couple on financial goals will increase the sense of closeness, trust, and security within the relationship.”

Digital distractions

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These days, it’s hard to sit on the couch and watch a TV show with your partner or go out to dinner at a nice restaurant without looking at your phone every five minutes. And this can seriously drive a wedge between couples romantically. “If your answer is your phone or tablet and not your partner, it’s time to make some changes,” says Celeste Holbrook, PhD, sexual health consultant. “Plug your phone in the kitchen and (gasp) get a regular alarm clock—even an extra 10 minutes connecting with your partner sans electronic devices can give you a great boost in your sex life and relationship.” 

Weight change


A weight gain—or loss—can throw some partners off their game. The one who gains may feel self-conscious, explains Stephanie Buehler, MPW, PsyD, licensed psychologist and sex therapist at Hoag for Her Center for Wellness in Newport Beach and Irvine, California. Or a partner may feel the body change is a threat or unattractive. “Asking a partner to lose weight is like asking someone to quit smoking or drinking—it usually has no effect.” For this reason, she recommends learning to accept your partner’s weight by focusing on the physical and personality attributes you still find attractive. Find out the 7 ways to make sex great again.

Never-ending to-do lists


Most of us have a lot going on at all times, but if your partner feels as though his or her to-do list is endless, he or she may pull away from sex. “If all your partner can think about is her boss who is driving her crazy, how much laundry needs to be done, how the kids need new school clothes, or how much the current administration has her scared for the future, it can be next to impossible for her to get her head in the game,” says Jenny Block, sex educator and author of O Wow: Discovering Your Ultimate Orgasm and The Ultimate Guide to Solo Sex. “Letting her share her work concerns, knocking out the to-do list together, and giving her a safe space to vent can go a long way to help her get back in the grove.”

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Relationships – Reader's Digest